(darrens perilous journey: a choose my own adventure story. screw that trip, play it safe and investigate the submarine pg. 23)
You know what fool, when it comes down to it, I have had just about enough of this mysterious danger for one day, alright!?
Looking at the old merlyn guy, I was totally all like, ch, you know, this is just your basic case of information overload! Im going on brain freeze right now.
Merlyn, through his magic, majestic, knack for intuition, guessed all that was in my heart then, in but a single glance. He was all "You know what they say about pigeons and unicorns, right?" He gave a scholarly and hearty chuckle.
"What do they say?" I asked trepidaciously, fearing a big getting moded coming on.
He twirled his sword around and inserted it smoothly into the soft warmth of his scabber. "They say," he said teasingly, lifting the sword out of its scabber and pushing it back in unconsciously. "When the unicorn tires of this life, it is such a tragedy, but when a pigeon feels that even being the early bird is far too much to even jest, it doesnt even seem like a problem."
Aww double shnap! That was not very lol, yo! I cocked my head an raised my eyebrow, all hard and stuff. Was this guy calling me some kind of pigeon? Aww, fooey, i thought. Let his mockery come. I could bear it after all. I simply turned the cheek on him and went about spelunking this submerged vessel.
Instead of taking the bait of his demeaning commentary, i was just like, "Have fun at the Underwater Kingdom, hope you dont get jacked, dick."
He chuckled wistfully, stroking his beard and tugging at his wise gray hair with his other hand. He walked toward the hatch and opened it. Over my head, i looked up to see above me was a huge room, made of marble and china. Whoa! these guys must have been into to serious dough alright.
But, not wanting to be seduced by the temptation, i forced my eyes to tear themselves from the amazing vista above.
He climbed out and closed the hatch behind him. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and got down to checking out what was really going on around here! There was two doors behind me. I went into the second one and saw a hallway with a bunch of other doors. I went down to the third door and opened it.
I was utterly amazed and stunned at the vision before me. This must be the magic room, i thought. For inside of the room, it was all cluttered up messily with wondrous enchanting objects, suggestive of magic and the times of yore!
On the table in the middle of the room could be seen human skulls with jeweled necklaces snaking in and out of them. Hanging from the walls were black capes, and velvet ones too. Above the capes I could make out witches hats.
But, once again, fate just wouldnt let me chill. A huge rocking motion shook the boat and a loud boom made a huge sound.
We were under attack. I made my back down the hall. A guy with a black and white striped shirt and a red bandanna over his brow, stumbled out and fell down dead right in front of my own eyes, for all the world to see.
As soon as I got back to the main control room, i realized what had to be done. The shots had been called, and now I had to put my nuts on the line. I shook my head wanly, how quickly things change in a persons life!
Calling on my expert navigation skills that i had garnished from my experience, i quickly scanned the control panels, noting the function of every switch with cutthroat accuracy. Then, i saw the weapons panel. Alright, these guys wanna play dirty, then lets get it on to the break of dawn, bitch. I pressed a button on the weapons panel entitled "Tomahawk Cruisers" Lets just see what this can do about it.
There was a great sound of explosion, like the thing that attacked me was blowing up. Then i heard a beeping urgently coming from the communication panel and flicked the switch. "Mayday, mayday, Hey Merlyn, i know we just tried to take you guys prisoner, but you gotta just go ahead and let bygones and bygones, for the sake of our lives." My face grinned sadistically, grimacing in the cruel evil that i was gonna do.
You know what fool, when it comes down to it, I have had just about enough of this mysterious danger for one day, alright!?
Looking at the old merlyn guy, I was totally all like, ch, you know, this is just your basic case of information overload! Im going on brain freeze right now.
Merlyn, through his magic, majestic, knack for intuition, guessed all that was in my heart then, in but a single glance. He was all "You know what they say about pigeons and unicorns, right?" He gave a scholarly and hearty chuckle.
"What do they say?" I asked trepidaciously, fearing a big getting moded coming on.
He twirled his sword around and inserted it smoothly into the soft warmth of his scabber. "They say," he said teasingly, lifting the sword out of its scabber and pushing it back in unconsciously. "When the unicorn tires of this life, it is such a tragedy, but when a pigeon feels that even being the early bird is far too much to even jest, it doesnt even seem like a problem."
Aww double shnap! That was not very lol, yo! I cocked my head an raised my eyebrow, all hard and stuff. Was this guy calling me some kind of pigeon? Aww, fooey, i thought. Let his mockery come. I could bear it after all. I simply turned the cheek on him and went about spelunking this submerged vessel.
Instead of taking the bait of his demeaning commentary, i was just like, "Have fun at the Underwater Kingdom, hope you dont get jacked, dick."
He chuckled wistfully, stroking his beard and tugging at his wise gray hair with his other hand. He walked toward the hatch and opened it. Over my head, i looked up to see above me was a huge room, made of marble and china. Whoa! these guys must have been into to serious dough alright.
But, not wanting to be seduced by the temptation, i forced my eyes to tear themselves from the amazing vista above.
He climbed out and closed the hatch behind him. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and got down to checking out what was really going on around here! There was two doors behind me. I went into the second one and saw a hallway with a bunch of other doors. I went down to the third door and opened it.
I was utterly amazed and stunned at the vision before me. This must be the magic room, i thought. For inside of the room, it was all cluttered up messily with wondrous enchanting objects, suggestive of magic and the times of yore!
On the table in the middle of the room could be seen human skulls with jeweled necklaces snaking in and out of them. Hanging from the walls were black capes, and velvet ones too. Above the capes I could make out witches hats.
But, once again, fate just wouldnt let me chill. A huge rocking motion shook the boat and a loud boom made a huge sound.
We were under attack. I made my back down the hall. A guy with a black and white striped shirt and a red bandanna over his brow, stumbled out and fell down dead right in front of my own eyes, for all the world to see.
As soon as I got back to the main control room, i realized what had to be done. The shots had been called, and now I had to put my nuts on the line. I shook my head wanly, how quickly things change in a persons life!
Calling on my expert navigation skills that i had garnished from my experience, i quickly scanned the control panels, noting the function of every switch with cutthroat accuracy. Then, i saw the weapons panel. Alright, these guys wanna play dirty, then lets get it on to the break of dawn, bitch. I pressed a button on the weapons panel entitled "Tomahawk Cruisers" Lets just see what this can do about it.
There was a great sound of explosion, like the thing that attacked me was blowing up. Then i heard a beeping urgently coming from the communication panel and flicked the switch. "Mayday, mayday, Hey Merlyn, i know we just tried to take you guys prisoner, but you gotta just go ahead and let bygones and bygones, for the sake of our lives." My face grinned sadistically, grimacing in the cruel evil that i was gonna do.
"Damn fool" I exacerbated. "Looks like you just got your just desserts!"
Then I just all like hit the button. Suddenly, there was a noisy booming akin to explosion. I just thought like shit I gotta get outta here before this really hits the roof.
I surreptitiously looked around for the exit hatch. Then I stopped. Maybe I didn't have to bust out with the evacuation procedure quite so fast. After all, how enemies could the ole guy have after all?
Then I chuckled in a realization of humour. I was just chickening out on this! I just didn't want to go out and get ragged on by those racist Atlanteans.
Aww shucks, I been grudging this on my shoulders for far too long, time to be a man and face the sounds of music like a real man do. After all, hadn't I just proved my martial prowess by demonstrating such merciless destruction that I visited on my eneym, and just in the Nick a tie too!
I ardently climbed the ladder and pushed with arduous strength. Guess those curls and and reps paid off.
When I climbed up on out of the sub and took a gander at the spectacular scene that lay before me, I was amazed at its wondrous appearance, which was glorious in nature.
In front of me was a huge, super huge room, it looked I was inside a crystal ball, but one made from real crystal, or amethyst. It was the most beautiful side I had ever seen. I was fascinated.
But then another question pertinently occupied my old noggin. Just where in fact had old Merly got to. As i stepped off the submarine and onto the wool carpet of the crystal amethyst room, I saw before me two paths. One led to a group of stairs going up real high. The other led to a pair of doors. In front of the stairs was a sign that read אַ שפּראַך איז אַ דיאַלעקט מיט אַן אַרמיי און פֿלאָט . Similarly, a sign in front of the double doors read Cenedl heb iaith, cenedl heb galon. Hmm... I pondered curiously.
Seemed like the signs were trying to tell me the two dissimilar paths were nothing more than two sides of the same choice-coin.
Well, since the first one was the tried and true Yiddish saying that a language is just a dialect with an army behind or what not, and the second was Welsh for 'A nation without language is a nation without a heart.
Well, well, well. Looks like they trying to flip the script on me. I came here looking for Merlyn, but now i gotta use a bit of the old fashioned
Well they had flipped it on me, and I wanted to flip it back onto them. Cause at that point in my adventure, I just completely lost the plot.
I didn't what to do, it was as if I had just been totally pwnd.
All I wanted to do was to get this hagriographing done and get my boat. To do that of course, I would have to find out King Arthur's hamartia.
Screw it I said, all of a sudden not caring which of the paths I chose. I walked to the double doors and kicked them open.
Then, suddenly, without any forewarning, I was shocked at the sight before me.
It was nothing less than an old school round table Knight grub fest. It was like all these Knight dudes in medieval armor grubbing on chicken and raw potatoes like they used to back in the way back when. I was all like what?!?
I saw Merlyn instantly and could see right away that the big guy sitting next to one that was all cut and swole up had to be none other than the badass fool that I was fonna hagriaphy.
So, I didn't even sweat, because of my expert skills and how I had proved my mettle by blowing up that other sub just now before i came here.
I just walked up to Merlyn and tapped him on the shoulder. He was so impressed that by my daring boldness that he didn't even rag on me for interrupting the meal.
King Arthur chuckled sagely and stook his giant macho hand out to shake hands with me.
I gave a firm shake, and even he was all strong, I could see him flinch a tiny bit because I put all my qi into that shake.
"So, my fair liege, you seem to be in need of a hagriographer. " I stoutly declared.
"Well, it doth seem to be the case that I beith in need of some ornate skill, be thee worthy of mine request?" He boldly inquired.
Suddenly, I looked around me to see in fact that the large throng of Knights gathered 'round the table were straight up mad dogging me.
Them one of them asked "Young Sire, be thee of the mongoloid race, or be thee of the negroid race? "
Another one of them asked "Me thinks ye be a Mohommedan!"
Then all of them stood up. Even the mighty and wise Merlyn was intimated and didn't say "jack."
So, they had found out. Of course I wasn't no arab, but then on the other hand, nor was I a Christian. How would they respond to my proud embracing of my mother's Jewish heritage. Should I deny my faith and spit on thousands of years of history? Or should I bravely and defiantly make my stand, regardless of if it ruined my chances of getting my mitts on that dope boat?
P.234 I tell them I'm a heeb.
P.324 I lie and betray my God
P.44 Run like a mutha yo!
