Thursday, October 4, 2007

Fiction大论's冒险的很journey pt.4 pg. 23

(darrens perilous journey: a choose my own adventure story. screw that trip, play it safe and investigate the submarine pg. 23)

You know what fool, when it comes down to it, I have had just about enough of this mysterious danger for one day, alright!?

Looking at the old merlyn guy, I was totally all like, ch, you know, this is just your basic case of information overload! Im going on brain freeze right now.

Merlyn, through his magic, majestic, knack for intuition, guessed all that was in my heart then, in but a single glance. He was all "You know what they say about pigeons and unicorns, right?" He gave a scholarly and hearty chuckle.

"What do they say?" I asked trepidaciously, fearing a big getting moded coming on.

He twirled his sword around and inserted it smoothly into the soft warmth of his scabber. "They say," he said teasingly, lifting the sword out of its scabber and pushing it back in unconsciously. "When the unicorn tires of this life, it is such a tragedy, but when a pigeon feels that even being the early bird is far too much to even jest, it doesnt even seem like a problem."

Aww double shnap! That was not very lol, yo! I cocked my head an raised my eyebrow, all hard and stuff. Was this guy calling me some kind of pigeon? Aww, fooey, i thought. Let his mockery come. I could bear it after all. I simply turned the cheek on him and went about spelunking this submerged vessel.

Instead of taking the bait of his demeaning commentary, i was just like, "Have fun at the Underwater Kingdom, hope you dont get jacked, dick."

He chuckled wistfully, stroking his beard and tugging at his wise gray hair with his other hand. He walked toward the hatch and opened it. Over my head, i looked up to see above me was a huge room, made of marble and china. Whoa! these guys must have been into to serious dough alright.

But, not wanting to be seduced by the temptation, i forced my eyes to tear themselves from the amazing vista above.

He climbed out and closed the hatch behind him. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and got down to checking out what was really going on around here! There was two doors behind me. I went into the second one and saw a hallway with a bunch of other doors. I went down to the third door and opened it.

I was utterly amazed and stunned at the vision before me. This must be the magic room, i thought. For inside of the room, it was all cluttered up messily with wondrous enchanting objects, suggestive of magic and the times of yore!

On the table in the middle of the room could be seen human skulls with jeweled necklaces snaking in and out of them. Hanging from the walls were black capes, and velvet ones too. Above the capes I could make out witches hats.

But, once again, fate just wouldnt let me chill. A huge rocking motion shook the boat and a loud boom made a huge sound.

We were under attack. I made my back down the hall. A guy with a black and white striped shirt and a red bandanna over his brow, stumbled out and fell down dead right in front of my own eyes, for all the world to see.

As soon as I got back to the main control room, i realized what had to be done. The shots had been called, and now I had to put my nuts on the line. I shook my head wanly, how quickly things change in a persons life!

Calling on my expert navigation skills that i had garnished from my experience, i quickly scanned the control panels, noting the function of every switch with cutthroat accuracy. Then, i saw the weapons panel. Alright, these guys wanna play dirty, then lets get it on to the break of dawn, bitch. I pressed a button on the weapons panel entitled "Tomahawk Cruisers" Lets just see what this can do about it.

There was a great sound of explosion, like the thing that attacked me was blowing up. Then i heard a beeping urgently coming from the communication panel and flicked the switch. "Mayday, mayday, Hey Merlyn, i know we just tried to take you guys prisoner, but you gotta just go ahead and let bygones and bygones, for the sake of our lives." My face grinned sadistically, grimacing in the cruel evil that i was gonna do.

"Damn fool" I exacerbated. "Looks like you just got your just desserts!"

Then I just all like hit the button. Suddenly, there was a noisy booming akin to explosion. I just thought like shit I gotta get outta here before this really hits the roof.

I surreptitiously looked around for the exit hatch. Then I stopped. Maybe I didn't have to bust out with the evacuation procedure quite so fast. After all, how enemies could the ole guy have after all?

Then I chuckled in a realization of humour. I was just chickening out on this! I just didn't want to go out and get ragged on by those racist Atlanteans.

Aww shucks, I been grudging this on my shoulders for far too long, time to be a man and face the sounds of music like a real man do. After all, hadn't I just proved my martial prowess by demonstrating such merciless destruction that I visited on my eneym, and just in the Nick a tie too!

I ardently climbed the ladder and pushed with arduous strength. Guess those curls and and reps paid off.

When I climbed up on out of the sub and took a gander at the spectacular scene that lay before me, I was amazed at its wondrous appearance, which was glorious in nature.

In front of me was a huge, super huge room, it looked I was inside a crystal ball, but one made from real crystal, or amethyst. It was the most beautiful side I had ever seen. I was fascinated.

But then another question pertinently occupied my old noggin. Just where in fact had old Merly got to. As i stepped off the submarine and onto the wool carpet of the crystal amethyst room, I saw before me two paths. One led to a group of stairs going up real high. The other led to a pair of doors. In front of the stairs was a sign that read אַ שפּראַך איז אַ דיאַלעקט מיט אַן אַרמיי און פֿלאָט . Similarly, a sign in front of the double doors read Cenedl heb iaith, cenedl heb galon. Hmm... I pondered curiously.

Seemed like the signs were trying to tell me the two dissimilar paths were nothing more than two sides of the same choice-coin.

Well, since the first one was the tried and true Yiddish saying that a language is just a dialect with an army behind or what not, and the second was Welsh for 'A nation without language is a nation without a heart.

Well, well, well. Looks like they trying to flip the script on me. I came here looking for Merlyn, but now i gotta use a bit of the old fashioned

Well they had flipped it on me, and I wanted to flip it back onto them. Cause at that point in my adventure, I just completely lost the plot.

I didn't what to do, it was as if I had just been totally pwnd.

All I wanted to do was to get this hagriographing done and get my boat. To do that of course, I would have to find out King Arthur's hamartia.

Screw it I said, all of a sudden not caring which of the paths I chose. I walked to the double doors and kicked them open.

Then, suddenly, without any forewarning, I was shocked at the sight before me.

It was nothing less than an old school round table Knight grub fest. It was like all these Knight dudes in medieval armor grubbing on chicken and raw potatoes like they used to back in the way back when. I was all like what?!?

I saw Merlyn instantly and could see right away that the big guy sitting next to one that was all cut and swole up had to be none other than the badass fool that I was fonna hagriaphy.

So, I didn't even sweat, because of my expert skills and how I had proved my mettle by blowing up that other sub just now before i came here.

I just walked up to Merlyn and tapped him on the shoulder. He was so impressed that by my daring boldness that he didn't even rag on me for interrupting the meal.

King Arthur chuckled sagely and stook his giant macho hand out to shake hands with me.

I gave a firm shake, and even he was all strong, I could see him flinch a tiny bit because I put all my qi into that shake.

"So, my fair liege, you seem to be in need of a hagriographer. " I stoutly declared.

"Well, it doth seem to be the case that I beith in need of some ornate skill, be thee worthy of mine request?" He boldly inquired.

Suddenly, I looked around me to see in fact that the large throng of Knights gathered 'round the table were straight up mad dogging me.

Them one of them asked "Young Sire, be thee of the mongoloid race, or be thee of the negroid race? "

Another one of them asked "Me thinks ye be a Mohommedan!"

Then all of them stood up. Even the mighty and wise Merlyn was intimated and didn't say "jack."

So, they had found out. Of course I wasn't no arab, but then on the other hand, nor was I a Christian. How would they respond to my proud embracing of my mother's Jewish heritage. Should I deny my faith and spit on thousands of years of history? Or should I bravely and defiantly make my stand, regardless of if it ruined my chances of getting my mitts on that dope boat?

P.234 I tell them I'm a heeb.
P.324 I lie and betray my God
P.44 Run like a mutha yo!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

FICTION: 大论's冒险的很journey pt.3 pg. 17

(Darrens perilous journery part 3 a choose my own adventure joint)go with him because he's all merlyn looking p. 17

So I was just all like: Que Sarah, do it to it! The voices on the megaphone loudly called out for us to halt and cease are activities, but, the beneficial opportunity to get my hands on this killer babe of a boat was just to irresistible that i couldn't refuse.

The medieval guy with the beard and the owl on his shoulder could ascertain a certain assenting facial expression so he just lifted his majestic hand into the air and waved me for me to follow him.

Whoa! Seems like the merlyn man really was a force to be reckoned with, giving his knack for intuition of peoples feelings without them even saying shit, damn!

So, not even knowing where I had been mysteriously kidnapped to, except for it was a boat. (and what a boat it was!) I could do nothing but follow my abductor out of the cabin room and out onto the top part of the boat. I didnt see the guys who were yelling with the megaphones, so i guessed they had to be on the back of the ship. So when I saw the ocean and no boats, it seemed my detective skills were not so rusty after all.

Then, all my expectations were overturned as the guy produced from his pocket a remote control in his hand. He held it and pressed the red button.

From out of the depths of the ocean AKA blue lagoon, came bubbling up a shiny black submarine.

He pushed me in the back to get onto it so i got onto the submarine. He got on too and opened the hatch and we went inside. As soon as he closed the hatch, he exhaled heavily and breathed a sigh of relief. As for myself, personally, i couldnt even sigh, because i was so worked up into a sweat over the aforementioned excitement.

Finally, I calmed down enough to talk. "So, oh wise one. Whom is it I shalt be hagriographing? "
He shook his head negatingly, but i pressed on further, "What?! Hey! I think I have a right to know."

The old fool just shook his grey and shaggy head again, as if dispelling the sayings of a novice. Well, I wasn't about to be taken for some novice, after all, I had my own street creds to be reckoned with.

He then turned away from me with the keys to the sub, he keyed the ignition and gunned the subs engines. Then he shifted down and we descended abscondingly into the fathoms of the deep.

"Take the wax out of your ears and show a little respect moan cap n' tone" I barked harshly. At last, the guy payed attention to me with earnest concentration showing gravely on his lined face.

He looked at me seriously and uttered: "Since you're so anxious to know just who,
I Shall give thee an opurunity to guess the name of the one thou art to hagriahpy. Here this riddle, thee: Whot hath man fewe in the eie but more in the ere? That gret in the heved, is fewe in the bred? For man yhernes rimes forto here, yet men yernen iestes for to here."

Having said all of this, and being finished he withdrew a sword out of a scabber on his belt. The sword flashed brilliantly in the lights reflection. He beemed at its gleeming luminescence patiently.

"Pshaw!" I exclaimed. Who was this guy think he was fooling with? Like I can do all old school too, when i want to be. Obviously, his so called riddle was nothing but a pun on word plays that could be deduced for the answer at a moments notice.

"Dig on this," I told him. "First part: getting hair on your eye is a bigger problem than the hair in your ear, so the answer to that is Hair Trouble. Second, Hair on the head is not troublesome, as much as hair on your bread, so boom. Second part: Hair trouble. The last thing, you said, men want to hear rhymes. So, "here" and "ere" are "hear" and "ear" but in the olden tongue of yesteryear they soundeth much akin to rhyming with "hair."

He stroked his greying beard, and began to interject, but he before he even could, i just continued on all smoothly: "Furthermore, since you are quoting from the revered Cursor Mundi in its southern and northern versions, and therefore, the obvious trick is that you want me to find the word that rhymes with "trouble", since there's no rhyming word in your riddle itself. If I remember correctly the rhyming word from the text of the Cursor Mundi, the accurate word that rhymes is "abul", or maybe "tabul" as in the round table! I knew it! "

Suddenly it dawned me just why this guy was so convincingly medieval looking in dress and appearance and such. After all, it turned out that this guy was indeed a merlyn kind of magician like i had suspected! Kudos to me! So, it looked like I was going to be hagriaphying none other than the legendary King Arthur himself, and that was for damn sure.

Or was I, a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind tugged at my doubt strings. But before i could seek my hard earned clarification, things got all haywire on me.

From the other rooms in the big submarine, a voice unexpectedly called from afar: "Ahoy, all ye on the starboard plank, ships arrived! "

Merlyn, still stroking his beard and admiringly gazing at the sword which he held, said unto me: "Young liege of the realm, dont get all excited just yet. At least not until i tell you of my lords' hamartia. Besides, it seems like you guessed enough for now. We just arrived at the Underwater Kingdom, i gotta stop and get some stuff. If you want, you can tag a long with me, but I have to in fact warn you, they dont like black guys there. "

Aww damn, what a dis! I'm not even black, but people also misrepresent me because of my jewish and korean ancestry! But, then what if the denizens of the Underwater Kingdom didn't even give a hoot and just judged me based on my supposed racial features.

But, shoot, pass up a chance to check out this foreign and exotic local which i never could have conceived before the miraculous events of today?

go with him to check out the Underwater Kingdom pg. 64

screw that trip, play it safe and investigate the submarine pg. 23

this is getting out of control, Im gonna jack this sub and head for safety pg. 89

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Perspectivalism. a new word i dont like, but find useful

After being interested in Foucault for several years, because of his relation to Nietzche and anarchism, I'm finally seeing how his ideas pertain to my own interests. I've begun reading the Order of Things, which seeks to reconstitute commonly grouped together bodies of knowledge (science, econ, history) according to previously unknown, underlying epistemologies/meta-perspectives.

He seeks to examine the arbitrariness of conventional classifications such as biology&chemistry, Economics&Math. Breaking from all the obscure and reverent jargon of contemporary philosophy, we might say that what Foucault wants to do is show the genealogical grouping of sciences and humanities, thereby clarifying their actual status in history and taking away their seeming 'objective' and certain character. His conclusion is that the notion of man which philosophy and the sciences have grappled with is a recent invention, and, therefore, merely one phase that will go away some day. So that there will be an end to 'man' (or the concept as we know understand it.)

Taken out of the proud obscurantism of modern academia, we might see this endeavor as analogous to the 'deconstruction' of christian dogmas that have become commonplace over the last century. Instead of thinking of the books of the Christian bible as related by a continuous, and internally consistent theology, we find that the writers of various books had different theological views, and that the decision to include the books in the bible were made by still other individuals. Recently I read Misquoting Jesus, which shows the impossibility of stating that the modern version, the King James translation of the new testament, is a reliable account of the apostles and paul or that it is an intact revelation from god.

In reading The Order of Things, the payoff for me, is the experience of a totally different way of looking at familiar structures, undermining their seeming obviousness. It is an almost tactile sensation, like I can feel things breaking away and reshaping.

I guess this is something similar to what Foucault experienced in encountering a passage from Borges' regarding an imagined Chinese encyclopedia featuring an utterly absurd and contradictory taxonomy.

Inherent in the conception of said encyclopedia is that, in Alien China, why wouldn't we find classifications, or organizations of knowledge that seemed inconceivable and attacked our intellectual comfort, or the very solidity of our comprehension. Another example that comes to mind is Xerxes scourging of the Hellespont as reported by Herodotus (What kind of world view makes you whip the water to punish it?)

I want to note that Borges and Herodotus were exoticizing the orientals, and the actual unity of human nature is displayed in the Persians and Chinese' willingness to return the favor.

On the other hand, even the imagined alien perspectives of those savage and inscrutable orientals can serve to expand consciousness. The very conceiving of a perspective contrary to our own expands are minds, to the extent that we fully experience the 'reality' of such a perspective.

Studying logic and philosophy in my late teens and early twenties helped me to see the common patterns of theories in general. So, if I get stuck on the details of a book on science (I often do,) I can get the feel of where the writer is going and what conclusions he wants to bring me to. If i get lost in the numbers of an economic debate (I always do,) I can still get the general premises by looking at the apparently opposed arguments.

Philosophy helped me to expand my consciousness out over many general structures of human thinking, both prescriptive and analytic. After going from my default religious understanding to the broad patterns of philosophy, I was then able to fill in a lot of other gaps in between, such as what it meant to believe something, the classifications of belief I had gone through, the classifications of beliefs that I encountered, the many typical ways people argue for things, and the simple notion of knowledge structure and hierarchy.

In contrast, I have struggled with basic neuroscience for years now mostly because of my need to integrate things into systems with human meanings. Or to see parts of a system as features in a systemic process. But all the sections of the brain, different kinds of neurons, electrical gradiances, and neurotransmitters have to be memorized as mere elements of the brain, without a big scheme to place everything in, like with cars or science. The general function of these elements in the manifestation of mind (neural correlates of consciousness) have not been worked out in any complete way.

Another example contrary to the pattern of learning discussed above is my eternal battle with math. Every time I start to grasp principles, definitions, or formulas, i am undone instantly by the arithmetic.

Studying languages has been much more conducive to my need to for learning by systemic foreignness and systemic consistency. In learning Chinese, by immersion and repetition, has caused me to recall the bits of Vietnamese and Spanish that I learned in the States but never used. Also, it has helped me to start learning bits of other languages and some notions in subjects in linguistics. In regards to English, it has given me a much better perspective on word usage, dialectical variation, and slang.

I first heard this horribly awkward phrase last week in a lecture series called Great Minds of the West, 2nd edition。

The particular lecture was on Nietzsche. Nietzsche has generally been referred to as advocating perspectivism. But this guy was saying perspectivalism as in pur-spec-tie -valism. How come i read so much Nietzsche and never saw that word? Walter Kaufmann never used it that i can recall. But maybe I've forgotten. Anyways if everyone else gets past the awkwardness of the word, than I'm down too.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

NON-FICTION: What so many still ignore about ayn rand

The false dichotomy of (Christ I hate to even have to mention it again! ) selfishness vs. altruism was neatly dealt with quite a while ago, by Ayn Rand, among others. I recently started thinking about Objectivism again and checked out whats being written about her in the news. I found that, as in the past, her idea of rational self-interest is related as advocacy of mere self-interest or selfishness, a super race, as opposition to charity, as advocacy of greed.

A recent NY Times articles starts with this description:

For years, Rand’s message was attacked by intellectuals whom her circle labeled “do-gooders,” who argued that individuals should also work in the service of others. Her book was dismissed as an homage to greed.

Here we see a successful attempt to leave the reader with a conclusion by pointing around its edges. The implication is that she or her ideas were opposed to doing "work in the service of others.", since that's what her attackers believed. The key in this statement is the meaning of serivce. "Service of duty" is different than "Customer service" or "Serving your fellow man"

It would not be as rhetorically effective to clarify that she was not opposed to doing things for other people or dedicating your energy to the benefit of other people, rather, she was merely opposed to being forced to do so against ones will, and the notion that this was moral.

Stated that way, her opposition to "service of others" is not at all shocking. Then why don't people just say Ayn Rand believed that everyone should follow their selfish interest as determined by rational thinking? I think, part of it, is the general peer-approved dismissal of certain individuals or ideas that most people engage in to varying degrees, but its also a sense that Rand, or her ideas, are bad anyways, so to resort to inaccurate description of those beliefs is justified; because she's one of the bad guys(or she's shamefully masquerading as a real intellectual/philosopher.)

In regards to including the primacy of reason in Rand's philosophy when mentioning her morality, the Conservative Voice comes closer: They use the term "rational", but only in reference to their “Rational Christian Response to Ayn Rand." Avoiding the use of her own descriptions they offer a somewhat agile (in terms of organization) refutation of her morality.

There is a difference between selfness and selfishness. The first involves proper Biblical love and care for oneself as God intends. The latter is based on ego and pride. Christianity is not against legitimate self-interest. We are created in God's image so, of course, God would want us to love ourselves as well as to love others.

Of course, then, God would want us to love others against our own interest, except that if we do what he says, we are supposed to get to go to Heaven- according to most Christians - so then it is in our interest to follow God's plan of salvation. Furthermore, God only dislikes illegitimate self-interest, and since that magic word is readily understood by all humans, instantaneously and without need of contemplation, then who would oppose Christian morality on the grounds of self-interest. Oh, I see, they might oppose Jesus's doctrine of self interest, yeah, but only if they believed in .....
illegitimate self-interest. But why would Rand do that? "Illegitimate" means its wrong!

Obviously its good etiquette to utilize clarifying clauses when employing synonyms of "right" and "wrong," this prevents one from sounding like a proponent of Orthodoxy over Heresy. Even better would be to replace such terms with words that relay the content of your evaluation or standards for judging what you are discussing.

For example, Rand's consistent emphasis of rational individualism and rational morality communicate that she holds morality to be subject to thinking and decisions of humans. These statements do not relate the content of her notions of rationality, but they do allow anyone and everyone to understand that she was not an advocate of 'just doing whatever or you want;' a phrase often repeated by heavy hearted, responsible moralists, who are offended at the idea that being good could have anything to do with selfishness. Instead, they know very well that loving our neighbors and doing whats right by our fellow man is naught but altruism.

Anyways, its been about half a century since Rands ideas (Objectivism) first started spreading. And, to this day, there is still the same tendency to dismiss her by using statements of her beliefs which are not at all accurate.

But I'm so negative that I didn't mention that other articles i read (all mentioning Rand as related to Greenspan) were pretty neutral: A Cameo for the Maestro? and

A cryptic look back, and a shot for Bush

I am not an Objectivist and find their overall system stifling, but I am annoyed by the lack of clarity and simple honesty that so often has dominated in the assertions of Rand's opponents. If we are clear enough on our opponents errors, we should be able to state their beliefs in their own words, without fear that our audience will be persuaded to their side. I am passionately opposed to many ideas, such as property rights, the state, capitalism, hierarchy, heroism, etc. But I hope I am beyond the need to hide beyond slander and misrepresentations of those beliefs.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

NON-FICTION: Dream: Openly Bejing backed US candidate

Dreamt that i was on some plane/cruise (it was opposed to be a plane i think, but it had staircases, internet terminals, etc. i saw the daily show and [sam b] pissed off john stewart by deviating from the script in some way.)

Anyways, a bunch of us were watching the news, there was an ethnic chinese guy running for office, he was accused of being totally backed by beijing, and he said on the news show: Yeah, Im so and so, Im backed by Beijing and Im going to win [the office]. Then they interivewed regular people to see their opinion and one woman said " i was listening to limbaugh today and ...." another lad referred to him as Beijing [billy].

It makes sense, even if he's of foreing birth. Schwarzenegger's attempts to change the constitution to let him be pres, could lead to the usual acceptance/apathy by the general populace and media, wherein the media anounces "a new era in politics" and people debate it on their political shows (quarantines for action) . So without any of us deciding to accept it, it becomes a new part of us, like the Dept for Homeland Security.

After it becomes part of our reality, then the adapting strategists of the red motherland realize how much more you can get done when you are brazen about the objectionable things you do in the modern media world. They will have plenty of examples of their own disastrous secrecy and the combination of lies and brazenness used by US politicians (and the rest of the countries.)

They will kick off this campaign including the tactic of being open about beijing [billy's] backing. He's a young guy, probably raised in the US or equivalent, maybe he was even born in the US.

Anyways, they realize they want to install this guy in office to increase their influence, but they know that everyone is just gonna use the fact that he's supported by beijing to discredit. So, they decide just put that upfront and it will lose its power.

The one implication of my dream that disturbs me is that Mr. LImbaugh will still be on the air by the time Beijing is clever enough to use brazenness in its support of US politicians.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

NONFICTION: don delillo and astrology

I've read three or four Delillo Novels. The first one was Underworld. I was so in love with his wording and scope, that I thought he must be the greatest American novelist. (I still kind of think that.) But when i began to read criticism of Delillo, I began to understand what he was popular for: Post-modern cynicism critiqueblablalbla. I was ashamed. How could such a powerful talent be degraded down to the cliches of modern literature? Critique of technology and capitalist blabla bla. Who isnt?

Finally, after underworld and mao II, i read white noise. It was my least favorite. Aside from the ironic, but not quite laughable humor, and his usual descriptive genius, the novel just exaggerated modernity to the point of absurdity in order to demonstrate the absurdity of modernity.

So, why does such a grand ability waste itself on lopsided criticism and comparing himelf to a terrorist?

I think part of it is because he is a Scorpio. Scorpio's are great at emotionally intense criticism. They are also good at detail.

In Underworld, the scene where the guy is going over the dessert and seeing all the planes makes me think that delillo must love this image too. His fascination with Americana (i havent read that one) obviously suggests more than a criticism. He is in love with his idea of the past.

Anyways, I've written the last two posts instead of working on the novel, so back to work.
My point about delillo is just that his greatness is in his diction and description not in the accidental coincidence of his negativity and the trite condemnation of modernity that predominates Real Literature.

P.S. I really love Delillo. He's a fucking genius.

POEM: Subjugation Withdrawal

My tyrants are dying.
And already I've realized
The mistake spread through
all our moves.

We partied, bringing down their statues
Thinking the concrete was an obstacle
To our freedom

They linger around,
Serving as comfort
For the new world's hesitation

Weakness stored up,
by their stoppering feet
Unleashed as explosions,
Crushing insights

The paradise they stepped on
Is suddenly no closer

All the nights spent talking
With them
Only weaken the struggle
Slogans and forts,
in fragility, equal
to theirs

All dissolved
by the security of an ungripped shoulder
or an open cell

Friday, July 6, 2007

FICTION仓颉的乱博克 part 2

我买不到机票,所以我们就腾云驾雾. That 句话 is 什么意思?因为我那么久以前a long time ago了发明the 字, 所以, I 因此忘了许多的普通话的idioms. 我只会知道:如果我遇到四个字,而那四个字中, 有两个不认识的, 就是个成语。 当我发明字的时我没有发现五千后,会有so many 让我糊涂的成语. 其实,中国小孩儿, 都知道很多的, 所以我没面孔when i email my step-children.

anyways, 我和黄帝到了我江苏rolex工厂, 我们惊讶的看工厂里, 一个人也没! where did 他们去?

我们一点儿也不理解. 但是我们见到了一个奇怪的东西, 在工厂的地板, 有很多血液和transformers 玩具!

我们 were all like 这是什么来的呀!!!
在墙壁上, 看了话写的:嘿小妹子, 你胸部咋会那么大? 我在大连路, 方便方便着, 就看了你那么Fashion的衣服, 也看到了你那么性感的身材, 让我记不清我太太的名字. 你喝两瓶屋里箱, 就会喜欢我.
上海没有陌生人, 所以你上下车不要那么客气!

more later.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

NONFICTION building up the froth of appreciation.

I was just listening to a lecture on Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse 几号? i forgot which number. The lecturer described the author's 'insertion of himself into the text' as putting himself into the 'very warp and weave of the story' something like that.

It reminded me of an idea I had a couple years ago, that is, the way in which people take the object of their affection, such as music, movies, or literature, and talk them around in the head so much that a top layer of froth is churned up, which is then regarded as insight, instead of foam.

In fact this ever novel insertion of the author into his own text is nothing more than a step in a progressive series of experimenting and tricks with the novel. Structural novelties that allow the novelist to feel as if he is doing something new.

Further, i completely empathize with Vonneguts portrayal of himself in that novel.

Its just, how do you differentiate between your capacity to manipulate words for the enchantment and entertainment of yourself, and your capacity to whip yourself up in a froth of ecstasy for the beauty and deep down deep meaning of your own words?

That is, how does the bullshiter not busllshit himself about how great his own bullshit is?

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

FICTION 仓颉的乱博克 1

大家好。 我是那个发明汉字的guy. The 原因why I am 博克ing 现在 is that I'm 太懒to do my 应该做的任务! 我需要把那个黄山article 写完,but, 你看, I'm even too lazy to 查看我写的字是对部对。 比如说, 刚刚 I 忘了 which 玩is for fun and which is for finished.

但是, my 故事我要给你听是a long time ago. 在我跟黄帝住在seattle 的时, 我发现一个知识分子的生活没有咖啡和雨, 就不会有想象和诚实的冥想. So, I didn't want to leave. But, you know how 帝's get! They always 认为 "Im a 帝! Of course people will obey me!" But, I 一直跟他说.  嘿!我本人是写你的历史!所以只有我会彻底了解你! 你的后代怎会知道你的肠胃那么爱生产又臭又怪的化学武器!!! 有几次那个洋鬼子FBI 来看看我们是不是恐怖分子, 是因为我们另据经常闻到你的屁股吹吹得香味儿!

Anyways, my point is that I didnt want to leave Seattle. I invented all the 字, so I think I've fulfilled my obligation to humanity.

But, In all fareness to the 帝, his reason for going back to Communist China was a good one. His fake Rolex factory was under threat of being closed. This was at the time when knockoff rolex's were very rare, so it was a big financial gain that was at stake!

More later.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

NONFICTION Wriggling Under Sleep and Sleep paralysis

I began composing this blog while struggling to wake up out of sleep paralysis. I forgot it was sleep paralysis, and only recognized it as this familiar state which I had visited before.

As i woke up, moaned desperately, and drifted through various illusions of wakefulness, i thought "What is this state really?"

The various false wakes had included many scenes with people i know, and seemed like they couldnt take place in the present. But maybe it would happen in the future. So, maybe this trembling, fear stricken state of in-between conscious, trying to break through the thin transparent film of sleep into wakefulness- maybe it was really the mind/body trying to break through into another time, another reality.

I am regularly struck by such thoughts. I also regularly experience 'deja vu' or visions.

The prevalent view of deja vu is that they are actually just differences in sensory intake speed, so that some sensory data bypasses the short term memory, goes straight to the long term memory and then gets fed back to you as a memory, so thus you are experiencing new data and remembering that same data.

But my visions have become more than deja vu. They are quite clearly associations that make no sense in my present context and vanish quickly, leaving only what i can conscious repeat to myself, thus inputting into my memory.

So, I cant quite explain this in terms of that deja vu model, but the discrepancy between data intake and processing being a causal factor does seem to make sense.

Because these visions seem more common when i have alot of caffeine in me, when i have an empty stomach and i start to get jumpy, or when i havent gotten any sleep.

An example of one of these visions is:

The other day i was teaching a corporate class. We were having class in the main training room. Previously, the tables at which the students sat, had been arranged in a set of four. So that at each table three to four students sat.

That day, the seats had been changed so that they were all joined side by side, like a straight 'u'. The new arrangement triggered a vision, where I was seeing this arrangement like a memory.

The trick is that this deja vu was just the catalyst, the rest of the experience was a series of associations.

One of these associations was something like 'the woman is evil' and 'i need to tell stephen'.

These two thoughts- i cannot say they are truly part of a novel experience, because they are likely to have been influenced by my state of mind at the time.

The thought of and evil woman seemed connected to the woman who was in charge of training at that company. The thought of warning stephen fits into a general pattern of worrying about him all the time.

But there was one novel thought. It was "el nunca vences" but the 'vences' was pronounced with a hard 'c'

The question I have is: Where does this come from? How can my brain produce such fascinating data?

It is not enough to say that the experience is erroneous, although this is often the main concern.
Some people just want to right this sort of phenomena off as brain mistakes. But they are not merely mistakes, they are novel and bizarre occurrences.

If my brain mistakes the name of one of my students, that is understandable and the elements of the mistake are mostly obvious.

But when my brain is suddenly seized by thoughts and feelings that seem to come from nowhere. And that provide names that dont exist, words that dont exist, I think this is important.

Whether or not my visions have any real use, they represent the conscious mind being seized in a state where utterly novel phenomena are produced.

Now that i think of it, it is rather like an inverted dream.

Whereas the bits of conscious and on-the-periphery-of-conscious data are rearranged in the subconscious during dreams,

My visions seem like subconscious data rearranged in my conscious actively experiencing mind.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

NONFICTION Getting To The Higher Me and The God

Part A: The SELF

when i was around 13 I had an experience which has ever since spurred me on in the search for a higher conscious.

I was walking down the halls of my junior high school, alone and closed up, safe, in my mind. This is often my happiest time.

Suddenly, a voice sounded in my head, a voice I immediately recognized as some 'older' or higher version of myself.

The voice said "There's more room up here."

And, along with this declaration, I felt an expansion of my consciousness, not in any specific way, but like a cramped house wherein the inhabitants suddenly find an empty cellar, dwarfing in size the rest of the house, and filled with golden sunlight.

That was around 15 years ago. When I look at that number, it makes me think maybe there's a problem here. Maybe I havent done enough.

On the one hand, I'm evasive and a chronic procrastinator, with a erratic heart and attention span.

On the other hand, I'm a freaking genius and pretty nice to people. Also, I've managed to get rid of a lot of my shame based tendencies and not repeat the sickness of my families previous generations.

And the most hopeful part, finally now, after all this time, I am able to glimpse the possibility of maintaining the higher self all the time, not just in rare moments of clarity.

Part B The GOD

I have felt the presence which I think is what other people call God. I have prayed to it. I have talked to it. I have pleaded with it to be patient with me. I have explained to it what I need to understand about it.

That feeling is so special, that I really want to be able to feel it all the time.

It is not the same as the higher self (which I also think of as "The me that I can talk to"), but it is a comparable experience.

I want to feel that god thing in my head all the time, and I want the higher self in me all the time.

(Im like the old lady on Phil Hendrie who just couldn't be satisfied with the goblin juice, she wanted all the damn juices!)

But, in the past I have constantly sought panacea's for my most pervasive and self-destructive tendency: Hesitancy.

So, I ought not rely on these two highs to help me avoid being a Hamlet.

But, I hope anyways.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

FICTION 待轮的冒险旅行 PT 2 p. 88 i talk to the guy to find out whats the deelio

Alright, cool beans! I'm just going to wait for that foolio to bust up in this room and then I'm gonna get the facts straight on it.

So the guy turns the knob and proscenes to open the door. And I dont even trip, I just all stand there, like, whats the what man?

He goes "Good, my young scholar, you're all awake and shit." When he bravely spoke these words I was completely taking a back! How could i be called a scholar! I'm just a brass tax down to earth total head! But, I was so intrigued by his words that I decided to listen on.

The guy, who was all british looking with a white beard, medieval knight armor, and an owl on his shoulder, said "I'm quite sorry for your painfulness at the rude way we absconded you, but unfortunately we had to be secret about it, because you're so important. You see, we need you to be the hagriographer for a very special someone."

I was speechless and dumbfloundered, i slacked my jaw and asked "Whats a hagriographer? Even somebody of my erudite learning doesn't know it all!"

The guy chuckled good naturedly and then gave me a good natured wink. "Well, liege, a hagriographer is like the men of old who trainscribed the glorious deeds of the kings of the realm!" As he said this he sweapt his arm high in the air.

Whoa! Trip out on that shit! What about my boat. As if he was psycically reading my mind's thoughts, he goes "

"Ha Ha Ha , i know what you're thinking of and its quite lol! But, true be told, if you make it big time, burn the midnight elbow grease and hunger down, I promise you that I am going to give you this very boat you have been abducted onto." Then he stroked his beard thoughtfully.

I wasn't no dumbass, so i was all like "Hey man, what kind of boat is this anyways, huh?"

Still stroking it, he said "Nothing but a 45TX with a 22 mv sinker and hull beepers. Not bad, yeah?"

I could only nod, he had me. "All right, who shall I be hagriographing? "

But before he could answer a loud voice was heard from outside the cabin "Evildoers, prepare to be boarded."

What!?! I was on a boat with evildoers? This guy might be a liar!

"Quickly my fair young liege, we must away from here!!" He motioned to me with his arms by waving them. But, could i trust him?

go with him because he's all merlyn looking p. 17

escape on your own p.55

stay in the room and hide p64

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

POEM the hair on your brushes

maybe even now they are watching us.
in whatever far off replication of what we now watch
they will see it with microscopes, with disease
with little quantum things even five year olds will know of

but how will all their disgust and contempt
be mediated by what we now know?

Anyone who now sees the hair,
Wound round the brush
Cleans it regularly
is utterly apart from this time
and held in contempt

While we ghosts
in our voices
we shouldnt have to know

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

FICTION Darrens Perilous Journey PT 1 (a choose my own adventure story)

At least my folks recognized all the expertise regarding boats that I had hard workingly accumulated over my so called quote unquote 'wasted life' that they always try to imply about! So sufficingly say that Im quite a bit of an expert in the boat field.

The day my parents had their moment of brilliance to let me go to the boat field to buy it, it was cloudy and all freaky jacked up looking in the sky

The government radio station that played all that minority music crap was playing some freaking techno stuff that the lyrics were "Raspberries for sell raspberries for sell."
I saw before me in my very eyes a whole paradise of boats. But before i could go down that plank of wood and get my grit on negotiating style, i was strucken from behind!!!

The world swam out of focus! and i was dropped into a dreamy sleepiness hole. i dreamed for, like it was years and years, of boats. Big boats. Blue boats. ANd my favorite, yellow sailboats.

Finnally i awoke and as soon as i woke up the first thing i could tell was that i was rocking like i was in a boat! But before i hadnt even been on no boat! I was all like what? How did i get on some boat?

Then i opened my eyes and looked around the place i was in. I saw a big fridgerator it was black and one of those big ones that has a whole bunch of freezer space and a water ice thing on the front.
Next to the fridge was a counter and sink. There was all kinds of dishes, and water was dripping onto the linoleum floor.
The rest of the stuff in the room was just some sofa and a table for eating i guess.
But i didnt even have time left to get my berries! Because just then suddenly i heard footsteps on the mysterious outside!
What could i do?

P.25 i pretend to be still asleep
p.34 i try to take down the guy whose coming all hardcore style on him
p. 88 i talk to the guy to find out whats the deelio

Sunday, June 10, 2007

NONFICTION Who really seeks god?

I have realized some things about the meaning of ' a search for god'
First, let me say that I am an atheist and an anarchist. Philosophically i believe in the general primacy of experience in forming our knowledge of phenomena in the world.

So, I have felt something in my mind, a presence that I identify with god. I want to know what it is, to find out the meaning and origin.
But in order to do that, i have to clear out a lot of cluttered associations in my mind.


So, my experience should not be conflated with christianity, the main religion i have been exposed to.
Nor should its memory be allowed to flutter around my consciousness as some vague 'well, i believe theres something out there' attitude. This attitude does nothing to examine the experience or provide causal explanations. It just abstains from pursuing the experience in a constructive fashion.
Nor should this fascinating experience be lumped into any of the analysis-phobic spiritual new age type of ideas that posit sweet happy energy and other super powerful forces that are sensed but can never be subjected to honest judgement.
The set ideas that people have formed about god are not at all based on or starting from the actual thing they experience as god.


If anyone doubts this, please just look at the history of your beliefs, look at its predecessors. Look at who believed it before you. Look at the outsiders view of why it started. Look at the diversity of opinion.
If you are a christian, look at how many different ideas about christ there were. The myriad of doctrines and gospels that we know of. The ebionites, marcianites, the various gnostic beliefs, and the diversity of belief among the officially canonized gospels themselves. Yet the thing we get today- though it is still fragmented into methodists, unitarians, catholics, etc. - is one version of the meaning of the life of Jesus Christ and the Jewish God. It is the version that won out.
So it is with all the other beliefs about god, or the spirit world, or the magical energy that can get you everything if you project it right.


The notion of scientific proof of god as it exists today is not at all scientific. It is nothing but propagranda. No religious person ever says "okay, if this experiment fails, I'll stop believing in god!" But many religious people will jump at any chance to say "Well, even that famous scientist looked at something that scientists dont understand and said it was so complicated that it had to be made by god!"
There are many scientists who see proof of god in their discoveries, but even if we except the constantly recycled argument for the necessity of design, that has nothing to do with the vast majority of religious believers now and throughout time. Their belief is beyond evidence, beyond logic.

In real life, people believe in their own versions of god because it is offered to them, pre-packaged and fully assembled, when they are searching for meaning, or it is pushed onto them as children.

Asserting that there's a god and then finding lab results and saying "See I told you so." is utterly at odds with science. Faith (feeling) is the real reason for most belief, and the science is just a polemical device.

So, in the contradictions of scientific religion, we do not get what the phrase implies: An honest, verifiable theory of god.


I do. To do so, it is first necessary to free ourselves of all the piled on habits of thought that have shaped and will continue to direct our understanding of god, or whatever this experience is.
To really look for god, we need to use the same tools that we use when we ask ourselves "Am I crazy?" "Am I in love?" "How do I know what is true." That is to say, we must use logic, contrast, objectivity, the evidence of our senses, and the evidence of our internal experience.