I'm supposed to hear back today from Whittier College about whether or not I can get sufficient financial aid to attend, now that I've been accepted.
I'm anticipating rejection, and I can't talk myself out of it. The only thing I can do is to tell myself to accept not getting enough financial aid, and have Emma help me to see the productive path ahead if I don't get it. I can still continue working towards my teaching credential, still focus on writing, still keep working, and still study the things I want to study.
I have ideas, but I'm not completely sure why I've regressed to this fear of rejection because nobody likes me phase.
Like Emma said, there is a lot of money involved in this, $30,000, so I shouldn't be surprised that they make it somewhat hard to get.
But I keep thinking that they should just know that I am really in need of financial aid. We're barely breaking even. I'm considering food stamps, low income auto insurance, and we're selling my car for something more fuel efficient.
I think I should make an appointment to see the school psychologist this week. One session could've already cleared this up.
Let it go, let it go, let it go. Deal with the situation. Don't let your anxieties alter your perception of reality. Be nice and understanding. Be humble. Like I've told Emma so many times, I have to put my worry energy into planning energy.
But I still feel sad.
On the other hand, all this Blank Slate/Genetic Determinism nonsense is taking up much of my other thinking energy.
I will spend an hour on each of my online classes today, and one hour writing fiction.
god bless you all
p.s. I've been working on a Chinese version of Andy Samberg's Threw It On The Ground I'm going to post the translated lyrics now.
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